Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
