Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
