a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
