actually, I'm a sock model
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
