so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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