i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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