Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Houston, we have a blender
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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