Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
