You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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