bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
