I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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