I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
