You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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