im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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