your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
