There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
