i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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