Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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