drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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