i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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