dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
