I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
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and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
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My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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