We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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