I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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