you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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