i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
