woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
