My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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