Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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