i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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