wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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