his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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