It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
