Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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