I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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