I'm really into asian looking animals
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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