Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
