I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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