You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Randomize
