who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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