I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize