There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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