Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
