is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm at about main and main street
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
