don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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