Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize