Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
