I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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