Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
