I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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