I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
