After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
