I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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