We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
