you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize