I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have post one night stand depression
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
