Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
