Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
