She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
