It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
