Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
