I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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