when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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