You're a womanizer and a bitch.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
