I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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