I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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