I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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